You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Vodka?
Forever.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
