All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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