Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
