They should really pass out barf bags in church
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
