You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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