So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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