Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
