Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
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