I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
