i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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