I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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