do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
