Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
