I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
