Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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