so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
