I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
