he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
