Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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