she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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