Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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