i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
