apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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