i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
