She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
