I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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