Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
