you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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