thus making me awesome and them whores
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
