just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
