How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
