Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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