if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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