Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
