totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
