I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
