Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
