what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
