alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Actions speak louder than pants.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
