I wanna passion pit in your ass
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
