Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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