i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
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