so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
