I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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