Plan B is the new Plan A
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
