Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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