His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
