I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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