i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
