Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize
