what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
