If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
