I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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